I kind of left off telling my story at the point that my abusive family came into my life when my nephew committed suicide and after never contacting me even for my birthday they all of a sudden called urging me to meet them in California saying “we were family”.

After that my sister in law said to me she remembered how they treated me as a child and that she pointed it out to my brother by saying “how can they treat her a girl like that?” needless to say my brother never did anything.

Now his son committed suicide. Unfortunately for me their evil came into my life again and they started bothering me. Calling me to Hawaii to stay closer to the family and all of a sudden something happened. My PTSD kicked in in a way that it had not since I was perhaps 12. I again did not understand why I was driven to leave Hawaii my only home I ever had and even listen to THEM of all people.

All their children had problems. That is what happens when you refuse to live in truth. You pass down the very dysfunctional abuse to your children a lot of times unconsciously and sometimes consciously too.

My brother was very emotionally abusive with his family. My sister in law a woman that was taught that you stay with your husband no matter what and she did until HE left her.

He had been part of the cartels done some horrific things yet in her eyes you show your love by condoning all that horrible behavior and allowing it. Its actually aiding and abetting but to her and the way Mexican women think is “love”.

After leaving Hawaii I was never able to have a home again. At first Miriam the sister that had basically throw me out dying of eating disorders at 17 in Texas helped only monetarily. But when I had the bad luck of her husband coming on to me and of course I did nothing with but I did tell her. She got angry at ME not HIM and she told me she never wanted to talk to me again and she never did.

She knew I had no place to live and I could no longer afford living in Hawaii as when I tried to go back after moving the first time the cost of living had gone up 70%. The apt I had for 17 years at 1,200 a month was now 2,700 a month.

So I went to Florida I saw some very hard times there for 5 years. Around that time my father died and they did not tell me or gave me anything.

If there is something a person has is the right to know when your parents have died but even that they denied me. One sister did tell me. However she did not demand anything for herself either and Della my half sister kept most. Not allowing my other sisters to even know what exactly my father had left in a safety box.

My sisters used to really fight  with Della but after my father’s death they “love” her all of a sudden. Which is very strange. They really hated her when my father was alive. I did not feel either way about her. But now is as if that dysfunctional bond they had with my father is still alive by keeping a bond with his daughter who he had left the whole family for and treated everyone like compared to Della they had no worth.

He still controls them even in his death.

My depression kept getting worse and the only “sister” who still talks to me every so often told me I could stay in my mother’s ex-apt in Mexico City.

What happened with the other sisters was what had always happened they ostracized as if I was a criminal just for speaking the truth. They refused to let me even enter their home. When I did nothing to them only tell them the truth.

The same with my sister in law. How these mostly women can handle any abuse. They all have had bad marriages and put up with a lot of abuse yet they continue to care about the abusers but hates anyone who would dare to pint out the truth. Its actually bookcase of the behavior of people in dysfunctional families.

The abused bond with the abusers and defend them not the victims. This phenomenon happens  in dysfunctional families as well as in even dysfunctional govs. Like Trump and his Klan right now. Many will lose their health care and yet stand with him.

Its always easier to stand with the abusers than with the victims of the oppressed. Much easier. That goes for dysfunctional abusive families as well as in abusive Governments.

Many stood with Hitler. The weak stand with the oppressors and the strong stand with the victims willing to protect them  of defend them.

As for the people of Durango also stood with my abusive father and my “family”.

But then again Mexico is a society that breeds dysfunction. Boys raised to be Narcissists or with severe emotional problems and girls to be emotionally needy and be willing to put up with anything not to be alone. I see that still in Mexico City.

Durango is a province so even more so. Mexico is behind a good 50 or more years when it comes the knew education about child abuse and neglect, how to raise mentally emotionally healthy children.

Its imperative parents teach children how to manage their emotions. Emotions are not thoughts they are a biological reaction happening in the limbic system. A reaction to the environment. The Mexican culture is extremely invalidating they do not recognize the emotional life of a person for what it is. Hence they try to teach children to suppress it. Or they punish them for feeling their emotions.

Suppressing your emotions of children who like my father and my brother would punish children for feeling their emotions sicken children who then grow with an impaired limbic system. That kind of environment is a fertile ground for growing children who have BPD as adults.

Its “funny” how the people in Durango deem me the “bad” one or even “crazy” most people in Durango have had bad marriages, children with no father, all kinds of problems. I have kept my whole life out of drama sure I have suffered from depressions and PTSD from my family’s child abuse. But I have always manage it by a healthy life style and not getting into drama. The few friends I made have been good people and real people mostly in Hawaii. In fact only in Hawaii. In Hawaii people are very different than Mexico is a kind culture. Much much kinder than Mexicans.

So needless to say what my family did to me as a child they did it again ostracized me for nothing really for speaking the truth. About the Mexican people its their culture to be in denial and is a very traditional culture. We do not think like they do in the US so its hard for me to understand it and I see it as very backwards and very petty.