This is pretty much how my whole family reacted to when i confronted them with the abuse.They deny it was even abuse.Its very common and this nails it.They can not look at themselves in the mirror unless they deny it.
“Abusers regularly deny the abuse ever took place – or rationalize their abusive behaviors. Denial is an integral part of the abuser’s ability to “look at himself/herself in the mirror”.

There are many types of denial. When confronted by his victims, most abusers tend to shift blame or avoid the topic altogether.

Total Denial

1. Outright Denial

Typical retorts by the abuser: “It never happened, or it was not abuse, you are just imagining it, or you want to hurt my (the abuser’s) feelings.”

2. Alloplastic Defense

Common sentences when challenged: “It was your fault, you, or your behavior, or the circumstances, provoked me into such behavior.”

3. Altruistic Defense

Usual convoluted explanations: “I did it for you, in your best interests.”

4. Transformative Defense

Recurring themes: “What I did to you was not abuse – it was common and accepted behavior (at the time, or in the context of the prevailing culture or in accordance with social norms), it was not meant as abuse.”

Abusers frequently have narcissistic traits. As such, they are more concerned with appearance than with substance. Dependent for Narcissistic Supply on the community – neighbors, colleagues, co-workers, bosses, friends, extended family – they cultivate an unblemished reputation for honesty, industriousness, religiosity, reliability, and conformity.” Sam Vaknin.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..Actually these were the responses to the T of the very few that even responded anything.Most of my family never did.I just never heard from them again after i confronted them with the abuse.My most emotionally abusive sister said that she did not remember me.

She errased me from existance in front of her very eyes at 16-17 and me 13-14.That is a very complex psychological phenomenon that only very qualified docs can explain.To errase a human being (much less a sister) from existance and memory.Is very complex and according to doc due to trauma.

My brother who had sex with my sister when she was 15 (in other words sexually abused my sister) called me disgusting and at the time i had been recently carjacked at gun point.Told me it was my “karma” i got carjacked.

His son commited suicide.They refused to acknowledge why.He was also the victim of the family’s dysfunction.Suicides are the hallmark of dysfunctional families.

I supposed if my nephew had been seen by a doc he would have been diagnosed with BPD.He had all the signs of BPD.He was very impulsive, self-destructive, had a lot of anger issues, interpersonal relationships problems, ect.In fact he commited suicide because his girlfriend was going to leave him.She had broken up with him.

But he was raised by my brother and although he had a very loving mother my brother like the rest of my family is extremelly emotionally abusive and invalidating.My brother and whole family epitomize an invalidating environment.Where everything is nothing.Every emotion a reason for a scolding.

I read also its always the most sensitive or intelligent child the most affected by invalidation and emotional abuse.Parents who do not teach children how to handle their emotions cripple them emotionally and psychologically.

My nephew was more loved than i was and did not go through the abuse i did.But he did suffer very traumatic experiences that his father put him/his whole family through.And severe invalidation.

Invalidation has been said to be the most lethal form of emotional abuse.This quote comes to mind.

“To neuroscience emotion is not merely a collection of thoughts about a situation: it is a biological process triggered by our environment”…Invalidation causes long term damage.Sometimes depending if there were other factors like other types of abuse and neglect and done by “family” the damage is irreparable.

When my nephew who i only saw 2x in his life died.The comments made epitomize invalidation at its worse .

Emotional abusers cheapen everything, they make everything meaningless…They dehumanize everyone.

And there you go.A suicide.A lot of people with BPD commit suicide.

 

Advertisements